Blackberry: The dream is over, but the nightmare continues

Got this sent in anonymously in response to various stories on the demise of the Blackberry:

—————–

Blackberry’s were originally, like most new gadgets, the property of the wealthy, influential and in summary all those nobs who want to stand outside a trendy bar in Shoreditch shouting “look at me, aren’t I a completely amazing guy because I’ve bought a gadget that means I’ll be too busy checking on share prices in New York at 10pm tonight to chat you up; but you’re so shallow you probably fall for this cool-guy-with-gadget crap anyway”.

And then suddenly, as quickly as the wind blew in from the West, the middle-class settlers arrived and said “me too. I need a life. I can’t get one of my own but Blackberry could be the answer”.

And before you knew what was happening there were a string of stores on the outskirts of town selling Blackberry’s to every lower/middle manager wannabee who was desperate to prove to his equally sad friends that he was important. Dinner parties in Islington were never the same again as everybody stopped talking in-between courses to check how the Chicago office was doing on the HeretodayGonetomorrow campaign.

But late one October day, as quickly as the world had fallen in to this group middle-management trance, the Autumnal frost brought with it something in the air that woke everybody from their deep slumber. The middle classes everywhere shook their heads and muttered “oh god, what is this in my hand, why am I doing work for my shitty employer at 3am. did I really agree to be always connected!? no!!!! I must have been drugged. help!!! how do I get out of this downward spiral”.

Sightings of drunk Z List celebs falling out of C List nightclubs, tripping on the top step and spilling their over-priced Cristal champagne, but still managing to hold tightly on to their trusted Blackberry, only strengthened the beliefs in the waking masses that they had been Played.

But something still didn’t feel right. They now had the strength to throw away the tools that had kept them labouring day and night for many a year in the mines (albeit mines decorated in the latest colours by celebrity TV makeover artists). They felt they could rebel against the rip-off Britain that had waived the watch in front of their eyes all those years ago. But as the masses rubbed their eyes and looked about them, nothing had changed. Strangers in the crowd were chanting…

“buy the ipod
windows mobile
ignore the faults
ipod phone
e61
it’s all the same”

Even putting in a call to their therapists only seemed to delve them deeper into the call centre of life…”press 1 for issues with family, 2 to discuss your failure to buy the latest handset and fit in to society. thank you for your call, your state of mind is important to us”.

The people of Britain had woken from a dream but were still in the nightmare…

anon.