Fido and I Celebrate our Years Together

It’s one of those moments you cherish in life, your first kiss, your first car, your 18th birthday, and getting a letter from Fido saying they love you and lets celebrate our years together.

It’s true I’ve been with Fido for awhile, it’s got to be close to 10 years now. I remember that day well that I walked home with my Nokia 5190 (with free silver face plate!) and activated my PAYG account. Ahh the memories.

Sure it’s been a bit of a rocky relationship. There was the time when they accidentally charged me for all my included text messages and I ended up with $300 bill, and the fact that they STILL can’t figure out how to change the name on my account since I got married, and the lack of sensible data. But other then that, it hasn’t been *all* bad.

I knew what this letter contained, it was their discreet way of saying “Your contract is going to expire soon, don’t leave, we beg you, stay with us, please! here’s what we can give you!”

I also knew that if I don’t respond to this one, quite a few more will arrive before my contract expires, but I’m always up for a good offer, so I ripped it open to see what they had.

First of all the generic form letter, (everything from Fido has some sort of dog on it, this one had a golden retriever, in a bow tie, we’re celebrating! Get it!)

“A great offer to celebrate years by your side!”

Awww. Shucks. It almost brought a tear to my eye.

Dear Kristal McMillan,

(see what I mean about not being able to change my name on the account!)

“To celebrate all this time by your side, Fido would like to thank you with an exceptional offer made even more attractive by your FidoDollars!“

I should take a moment to explain FidoDollars, you accumulate them, not sure of the exact rate, but anyway, when it comes time to get a new phone, you can use them to pay for it. You can also buy accessories etc.

Anyway, we continue.

Opt for a new Fido Agreement with this special offer!
> Upgrade to a brand-new phone!
Check out our enclosed brochure for a wide selection of phones and find the one that meets your needs. Plus discover a new experience in mobile technology with Fido’s 3G phones, giving you easy access to content where and when you want it. And don’t forget to use your 9 FidoDollars for an even better deal on your new phone!

I took a picture so you all could see I’m not kidding. Ok I know it’s the generic form letter and they just fill in the blanks, but come on now. How SILLY does it look with a little yellow box that says “Get a phone with your FidoDollars! You have 9 Fido Dollars!”

Can someone please find me a phone to buy for $9?

and WOW! NEW 3G technology! What will these inventors come up with next, here I was still using my tin cans and string.

I pulled the aforementioned brochure out of the envelope to see what exciting phones they were offering.

Oh dear.

“Select the phone that fits your lifestyle!”

Ummm….

I opened it up anyway, and the following dear readers, is exactly what I found

I know. I know. Pathetic isn’t it? and it doesn’t get any better. (and those are the “after signing the contract” prices) Upon turning page I am introduced to

3G! wow.

and then we get into the you know, high class, top of the line stuff.

Oooh. Ahhh. Windows Mobile.

And wow! 3G! I just can’t contain my excitement.

So really, they can’t offer me a phone that fits my lifestyle. Because what I need is either my N95, or maybe an iPhone (which you notice, they conveniently aren’t offering!) and a sensible data plan.

Oh and not a 3 year contract, (I’m sorry, “Fido Agreement” it sounds nicer.)

I remember back a couple Podcasts ago when Ben and Dan and Jay were talking about how they can’t believe that in Canada they were making people sign up with a 3 year contract to get the iPhone.

Well believe it boys, because you can’t really get less. For anything. If you want to pay a *decent* price for a phone ($0-$100) you’re locked in for 3 years. And sometimes they won’t even offer you the plans without the 36 months as well.

Here’s the proof, for the Razr2 and the JACK (all the other ones were the same, just couldn’t be bothered to take all the pictures)

(if you can’t read it, it says “After a $100 credit and a 3-year Fido agreement + Windows Mobile option with a data term for 3 years. $425 without Fido Agreement”)

(“After a $100 credit and a 3-year Fido agreement + Surfing option with a data term for 3 years. $500 without Fido Agreement”)

Unfortunately I don’t see very much to celebrate with Fido.