I'm done with Physical Shopping

The other weekend I needed a Woggle (Amazon link).

For the uninitiated amongst us, a Woggle (sometimes referred to as a ‘Noodle’ too) is a long polystyrene tube that children (in particular) use to support themselves (and play with) whilst swimming.

Our eldest (Archie, 4) is getting into swimming big time. He’s having lessons. They use a ‘Woggle’ now and again in the pool.

My wife commented that it would be useful to have one of our own for when we go swimming.

“Good idea,” I thought.

I then took out our youngest (Freddie, 2) in the car for a drive, primarily to get him to sleep.

I resolved to drive to Toys ‘R’ Us in Basingstoke.

They’d have a ‘Woggle’ right?

Maybe. It is after all a swimming utensil. Toys ‘R’ Us would, I thought, have some sort of swimming section.

I was guessing.

I was assuming.

I was also expecting to pay over the odds — for the ability to acquire a Woggle in ‘real time’.

I was, in short, doing the shit thing that you and I, dear reader, used to do about 10 years ago: Shop. That is, dick about trying to give money to inefficient product distribution centres who have now been superseded by Amazon.

Shops have now been upgraded. There is only one and it’s name is Amazon.

This, dear reader, I have affirmed, on account of the bollocks experience pushing a wonky trolley around Toys ‘R’ Us at the weekend.

I walked up and down the tired aisles with Freddie staring blankly. Not even he was excited by the experience.

Having done the circuit and concluded that the only thing on offer was a paddling pool and some arm bands, I realised that I am now done with ‘physical’ shopping.

I actually said the words, “I’m done with this,” to myself out loud as I pushed the rubbish trolley to the exit and then left.

I don’t mind food shopping now and again as a bit of ultra-mild-excitement and to do a bit of physical browsing. But I am done with speculation. I did buy some swimming Goggles the other day from Argos — but only after using their rather good logistics system to reserve two pairs — to guarantee I wasn’t wasting my time driving there.

Sitting back in the car, I then promptly added two Woggles to my Amazon shopping basket.

I do love mobile shopping.

Here’s the Woggle I finally bought on Amazon: