Joining OTOV: One man's quest

There has to be a better way than paying 14 pence a text and 40 pence a minute to other mobiles. 

You know what, I’ve heard about this thing… if you’re lucky… and if you can find them… maybe you can get…….

[ the screen goes fuzzy ]

I’m hoping that some day soon I’ll be sitting having hot scones in the
Renaissance Chancery Court on High Holborn (I’m the one in the lounge
wearing the loud pinstripe). I’ll be studying the complimentary
Times newspaper they give you there… when a tall brunette
could-be-a-model girl will suddenly join me at the table.

"Mr MacLeod," she’ll say (for ’tis my name), "We’ve been watching you for some time."

Ooooh dear, that explains the unmarked Van outside the house last night, I’ll think. 

She’ll continue, "We know what you’ve been seeking," then stare into my soul with her deep brown 26-year old eyes.

I’ll flush red — but you wouldn’t notice, thanks to celtic genes. 

"It’s time for you to see how deep the rabbit hole goes…" she’ll say, holding out two fists.

My eyes dart to her left fist as it opens to reveal a red sim card.
Since this is a movie, you’ll immediately cut to see my pupils dilate ever so
slightly in recognition.  Her right hand will then open to reveal a silver suit
lapel pin with the letters OTOV.

"Wear this," she explains curtly, "It identifies you as part of the Order."

She’ll then grasp my mobile handset from the table and swiftly remove
the battery, take out the sim,. She’ll place the sim on the marble
floor as I look on bewildered.

"You’re never going back," she’ll say, quickly crushing my old sim to dust with her heel.

"But…", I’ll manage — She’ll already be inserting the new red sim into my mobile. She’ll
turn it on and slide it quickly across the table toward me.  I’ll catch it and
look, wide-eyed, as I see the operator ID "OTOV" flash up instead of
the old Vodafone animation.

"You’re in.  Good bye Mr MacLeod…."

She’ll get up to leave and a text will arrive.  "Brrrrinnng!" 

I’ll glance down to open up the text and gasp with shock as I read:
"Congratulations.  You’re now paying £100 per month for unlimited
calls, texting and 3g data (subject to fair use). Regards OTOV.
Orange. T-Mobile. o2. Vodafone."

I look up ……. and she’ll have gone.

But you know, who cares about Miss Mysterious when you’ve finally got hold of an unlimited plan.