No cell phones in banks to prevent robbery
Link: textually.org: Banks ban cell phone use to keep criminals from plotting getaways.
I was having a late evening browse of Textually and came across this one Emily found via The Chicago Tribune.
This is just about the stupidest thing I’ve heard this week:
"We ban cell phone use in the lobby," Senior Vice President Ralph Oster said, "because you don’t know what people are doing" on the device. A criminal could be on a phone at a teller window, robbing the bank or passing a bad check, while an accomplice outside would have an eye peeled for police to foil an arrest attempt.
What planet do you have to be on, to think this would help in anyway prevent robbers from planning their getaways? They are, by default, quite resourceful people.
First of all, why would you bother using a mobile when a walkie talkie would be quicker (i.e. no dialling) and far more easier to hide?
Second, I think all banks should ban doors. Doors are bad, they could potentially help robbers escape.
Third, no banks should ever be build near roads. All roads near banks should be dug up and replaced with fields to prevent car getaways.
Four, all banks should be devoid of air — it is recommended that replacing the air inside the back with a total vacuum will significantly reduce robberies.
Five, absolutely all energy drinks and snack bars must be checked at the entrance. Criminals could employ these to boost their getaway.
Six, prior to entry the bank, every visitor must take off their shoes and walk across a 10ft wide gap of crushed glass which must be crossed extremely slowly to prevent injury. This slows down visitor traffic to and from the bank dramatically and helps prevent robbers from making a quick getaway.
Seven, sneakers or training shoes are prohibited from being used on bank premises. Absolutely no Nike Air Max running shoes to be tolerated on site to discourage robbers getting away quickly.
Eight, all sun glasses to be checked at the front desk. These may aid getaway in bright sunlight.
Nine, no pens, pencils, paper or any other writing utensils to prevent robbers from writing random notes in the bank. All paper, with the exception of monetary notes, brought into the bank will be incinerated prior to passing to the main entrance.
Ten, after the front entrance, no light will be tolerated. All transactions must take place in total darkness to afford maximum disruption to any potential robberies.
Can you tell I’m on a caffeine come-down? 😉
