Phones4U, a disgustingly unpleasant experience, complete with snake oil salesmen
Mike, a regular SMS Text News reader, proposed in a comment last week (in the context of considering swapping to Vodafone) that I should consider getting a handset on every UK network sequentially to try out the whole experience. He suggested that I could get a month-to-month contract (which, I’m sure is available on every network) and swap my number every three months, narrating the joy and the trauma as I went. I liked the concept.
So much so that when I found myself in Oxford Street, one of London’s oldest thoroughfares (and, perhaps obviously, one of the original roads to Oxford), I had no small amount of opportunity to consider the possibilities of Mike’s idea as I walked past Vodafone shop after Vodafone shop.
Instead of giving into Mr Capitalist, I decided to give my business to Vodafone’s official reseller, Phones4U.
First, a quick bit of historical context:
There are two large mobile phone chains in the United Kingdom — Carphone Warehouse and Phones4U. Carphone Warehouse, whatever your own experiences, are generally recognised as a shining angel in the historically dodgy industry of mobile phone retailing. Phones4U, on the other hand, regularly encourage their jackal-like sales people to hang around outside their stores brandishing special offer flyers and a rough line in high pressure sales pitch. The customer service, no doubt good under their previous owner and now uber billionaire, John Cauldwell, has taken a serious nose dive — if the experience of many an SMS Text News reader is to be believed.
Until recently, both Carphone and Phones4U offered handsets and price plans from all networks. That was, until Vodafone decided to part company with Carphone and awarded Phone4U the exclusive gig for their new connections.
So, Phones4U = not good, as far as I’m concerned. I’ve only ever walked past their shops. I’ve never gone into one for more than a few seconds lest I get harangued by their dedicated team. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any customers in Phones4U shops just… shopping. Their strategy appears to hijack your independent thought the moment you hit the shop floor and force you to a seat and a desk and begin the sales process. No doubt an effective strategy. Not something I want if I’m just browsing. You get no such hard sell from the generally helpful Carphone lot.
But, it can’t be all that bad, right? Most of our coverage here on SMS Text News has tended to the negative with Phones4U and I’ve never done a direct ‘experiential’ evaluatory post on them before, so I thought the time was right.
Walking along Oxford Street, I confirmed my objective: I will pop into a Phones4U and get myself a 30-day Vodafone contract!
Vodafone was in my mind for multiple reasons, in particular since I’d recently got off the phone with my brother, Martin (of Bladewatch) — he was telling me he’d just done away with his T-Mobile account in favour of Vodafone so I was wired and ready.
A lay of the land — here’s the Phones4U store:
I took a deep breath, put on my best neutral face and set my expectations to normal.
Here’s what I expected:
– I expected to be greeted-and-seated within 30-60 seconds
– I reckoned there’d be an attempt to discourage me from getting a 30-day contract and up-sell me to an 18-month contract
– I reckoned I’d be dealt with by pleasant chaps (or ladies) with perhaps just a hint of high pressure, high concept, well practiced salesmanship
In I went.
I only had time to notice the confused and unhappy looking Russian couple in the corner and the bewildered looking foreign student being ‘served’ at various desks around the store before I was greeted. How long ’til I was seated?
“How can I help sir?”
Good. Pleasant. There was a slight tinge of Del Boy about the chap, brown suit, ever so slightly fake smile, but hey, he was friendly.
“I’d like to get a 30-day Vodafone contract, please,”
“Excellent, take a seat sir,” So, what, five seconds? Impressive, “KEIIIIIIFFF [Keith]… KEEEEIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFF,” he yelled after seating me. He was addressing a colleague across the store. Keiiiff, wasn’t paying full attention.
“KEIIIIIFFFFFF,” eventually Keith turned round, “This gent wants a Vodafone contract,” he explained, pointing at me.
There was a bit of a delay whilst my chap walked over and briefed Keith. I managed to whip out my iPhone and take this picture of the other chair next to me:
Functional.
I pointed the iPhone across the store quickly whilst I saw my chap and Keith huddling. I didn’t want anyone to see me with an iPhone, not in a Phones4U store.
I think my guy wanted to get rid off me and catch the other gent (left in the above photo, browsing the stalls). So I was handed over to Keith.
He came bounding over. Big smile. Think: Slightly better looking Gareth-from-The-Office. I immediately got the impression that he was a Class-A know-all. Just by how he was sitting.
“So, how I can I help you?” He asked. Big smile. Did I see a drop of snake oil dribbling down his temple?
Give him the benefit of the doubt, Ewan! I couldn’t help feeling like I was participating in a human version of a Turkey-shoot — that I was one large walking dollar sign.
“I’d like to get a Vodafone 30-day rolling contract please,” I began. I was about to explain that ‘I didn’t need a handset’, when my chap interrupted me. He did the know-all, inclined-head, slightly raised right eyebrow, “Let me stop you there,”
Although his version was a bit more direct.
He machined gunned, “They don’t do that!” at me.
“Sorry?” I asked, a little confused. I know they do 30-day rolling contracts. My brother just signed up for one and I was declined for one a year or so ago (billing issue, now rectified).
“They don’t do that,” he repeated, as though I was the thickest arse on the block.
“Are you sure?” I had to be sure that this was his position.
“Yup,” he said, swinging on his chair, twiddling his pencil.
“Oh. Ok,” I said, leaving a pause, expecting an up-sell.
Nothing. He didn’t try and up-sell me to anything else.
“Well, thank you for your time,” I said, getting up and walking out.
Perhaps it’s Phones4U policy not to sell 30-day contracts from Vodafone. Strange response from the sales chap though — I thought he’d be straight in there with an up-sell, particularly given the fact that I was 30 feet from a Vodafone store across the road. Which is exactly where I headed…
