Question: When is the only time a traffic jam is good news in the UK?

Answer: When you’re sitting in the back of an Uber and you need reliable mobile signal.

Boom!

Sad, isn’t it, dear reader?

Travel all around the world and find relentlessly reliable 5G speeds all over the place, then fly back into the UK and spend a good 30 minutes wondering why everything doesn’t work, keeps crashing or can’t handle your operating demands.

Yeah.

In the GCC/Middle East region, I didn’t think my data demands were too high, but fly back into the UK and all of a sudden I need to think in mono.

Do

One

Thing

At

A

Time

Be patient.

Don’t push the connection.

Don’t expect anything cellular thing to work, especially if you’re moving more than 5mph.

The, when it does work, just.. you know. Be sensible.

Yes, if it says 4G, think back to GPRS. Set your expectations correctly.

Make sure you have downloaded all documents, data – anything you are likely to need – whilst you are standing at the train platform, because once you get ON the train, nothing will work.

Not enough cellular towers?

Not enough throughput?

The wrong kind of rain?

And, of course, dear reader, don’t you dare try and put a cellular mast in my backyard either. 😉

Now and again it’s pretty good. I have data sims on every network. I hop between them in some degree of low level manic ‘connectedness’ desperation, now and again. Sometimes I hit the jackpot… 5G… and in an area where everyone else is obviously watching a re-run of Bargain Hunt on the TV using satellite so the cellular tower is uncontested.

And that’s a total luxury. Strange, but a very welcome experience.