Screw you, Empire Of The Sun and EMI. Screw you with bells on.

What unmitigated dickhead is running music publishing at EMI Music at the moment?

I heard a track on the radio last week. Rare because I don’t often listen to live radio. Indeed I’m one of those cash rich and completely hidden customers — a growing trend. My dollars, combined with the dollars of my friends and colleagues who also don’t bother with ‘live’ anymore, are significant.

I heard a tune and I though, ‘Right, this is a time for Shazam!’

And woosh.

I shazamed the track. I dialed 2580 and let the handset sit there listening for 30 seconds before Shazam disconnected. 10 seconds later I had the tune.

Walking On a Dream by Empire of the Sun.

Excellent.

The radio presenter said words to the effect of the track being ‘released’ toward the end of February.

Bollocks to that I thought. I’ll go and download it.

Two days later I hit up iTunes.

All I can find is the music video.

True enough, the total dicks at EMI have held it back. It’s not available for me to download.

I can get the £1.89 music video. I don’t want that. I want the audio. I don’t want my iPhone to come alive with video whenever I play the song. No. I want a download.

But I can’t have it.

I can’t have it because some total DICK at EMI has decided to put a ‘release date’ on that track.

They’ve given it to radio stations to ‘generate buzz’.

And now I have to wait 2 or 3 weeks.

Well I say screw you.

Screw you with BELLS on.

Here I am, a customer, ready to buy — and you’re choosing not to sell.

That, Mr EMI, is a dickhead practice from a dickhead era from YEARS ago.

Therefore rest assured that I won’t be buying the video track. Or the audio.

I definitely won’t be buying it.

It wasn’t THAT important to me. I was interested, I quite liked the tune. I was generally up for opening my wallet to the tune of, what, £50 quid over two years — provided your artist came up with the goods over the year.

But your bollocks release date? Your bollocks ‘authority’. Your ‘NO YOU CAN’T HAVE IT YET’ position is ridiculous.

Let me point out that in 30 seconds, I could download the video, rip the audio and have it up on a sharing site — or Youtube or the like — within another 60 seconds. Don’t you GET this? I could simply go and get it for free.

Yet here I was.

Here I was ready to give you some cash. To encourage your innovation and move to digital.

But no. I won’t be downloading it, I won’t be copying it illegally, I won’t be ripping it.

But there’s a million others that will be.

In fact I’m willing to bet that if I asked for it on Twitter, 10 people would send me a link to download within 10 seconds.

You simply don’t get it, do you? Digital demand finds a way.

And I feel better now.

And relax….