T-Mobile UK's new rabbit powered cellphone masts

You know your mobile service is powered by a cluster of rabbits arsing around on wheels when, with full signal, your phone unexpectedly call disconnects with a joyless beep and a ‘connection error’ notice.

So unexpected was it that the person I was speaking to didn’t recognise I’d been cut off. She thought I was just being silent! When I phoned back, she didn’t quite understand that I had genuinely been cut off. That’s because getting cut off is – or should be – an experience firmly relegated to the past. Not if you are on T-Mobile…

Without fail, every time I leave Liverpool Street Station, the handset totally loses signal. Totally. As though I’ve phase-shifted into a different universe temporarily.

It’s fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuannoying when you run SMS Text News — you know, I should, have some sort of clue — and the lady opposite carries on yapping away on her cheapo SLVR, no doubt service by some non-rabbit-powered network.

So, T-Mobile RabbitPower® — it’s green, but it doesn’t work very well.