Thanks but you're not worth it, you're dumped - love John Pluthero, C&W

I’m a Bulldog Broadband customer and as such I got the following mail from them today clarifying that they’re trying their best to flog me and the rest of us off as soon as they possibly can. Doesn’t look good.

Dear Mr Ewan Macleod,

You may have seen in the national press last weekend coverage of Bulldog’s plan to sell its customer base. The purpose of this letter is to inform you of our intentions and to provide a clearer picture.

Firstly, I can confirm that Cable & Wireless are in discussion with potential purchasers of the Bulldog retail customer base. This move is completely consistent with our announcement on 8th June where we specified that Bulldog was changing its strategy from acquiring new customers in the residential and small business sectors and would, instead, focus on offering a wholesale product to major broadband services providers.

Secondly, until any deal is completed, Bulldog will continue to fully support its customers, retaining all parts of our infrastructure and organisation. This includes functions such as technical support, customer service and billing.

Thirdly, I would like to reassure you that Bulldog is committed to securing a purchaser of the customer base that will continue to provide service to you on our existing network. That way, there will be no disruption or changes to your service. With Bulldog’s state-of-the-art network still providing your service, you’ll certainly be assured of an ongoing, very high standard of delivery.

I shall contact you again when I have more information to share with you. In the meantime we thank you for your continued custom.

Yours sincerely,

John Pluthero
Executive Chairman, UK C&W

It just doesn’t look good at all. Before you go announcing that you simply can’t handle the consumer business and that you need to offload it pronto, do the deal. Do the deal FIRST. Otherwise, despite all the flowery public relations, we’re all sat here thinking ‘thank you for your continued custom’? Balls to that! You’re busy trying to flog your consumer service! Less of the mails and more of the action.

SURELY all the recent press about this action will have resulted in a few phone calls from Wanadoo or AOL or someone who might possibly want to add the Bulldog customers to their own? I remember when John used to run Freeserve. Surely there’s a contact somewhere — someone he could make a call too so that his PR department don’t have to write words along the lines of:

Bulldog is committed to securing a purchaser of the customer base

Or is it that bad that you’ve had to fire off a letter to your customers as a holding action while you try and get a sale? Hmm. I think this should all have been done behind closed doors with a nice curt announcement to all and sundry – something like ‘We’ve sold our consumer business to Homechoice [er, ok, so I’m stretching reality somewhat] so hence forth, they will now bill you. Thanks a lot. Byeee’.

‘Committed to securing’ sounds reeeeeally a lot like ‘no one’s made us a worthwhile offer.. so we’re looking around a bit, but you know, in the end… well… we want shot of you lot … and the offering party knows this… so… er.’

Quite content with the Bulldog service, by the way.