The laws of UK operator data pricing

Specifically for o2, Orange and Vodafone…..

1. If your customers are stupid enough to keep paying per-meg prices, don’t introduce a T-Mobile or Three style ‘unlimited’ package. Why bother? Take their money! And their wives!

2. Introduce some half arsed, half baked semi unlimited but not really price plan (a la Vodafone) that keeps the subscribers who are really winging quiet, until the realise they’re still paying stupid amounts.

3. For the smart alecs — the triple A’s who spend a shitload with you — when they phone up for their PAC number, bend over backwards to keep that cash so give them unlimited data for a tenner (o2).

4. If a high value subscriber calls up customer services just chancing it, looking for the unlimited data deal, tell them there is no alternative and it’s two quid a meg, period. They’ll be disappointed, but they’ll keep paying.

5. Sit back, relax, and watch the per-meg data dosh come flying in.

6. Remember to regularly polish your bronze ‘WE HAVE A RIGHT TO CHARGE PER MEG FEES’ in your HQ reception.