Vomit sheets in Basildon

I’ve been talking to everyone and anyone about Basildon, recently. I’m doing some work in the town for a client and it’s both a joy and a shocker to get off the train at Basildon Station.

It’s joyous to be out in the provinces, although, Essex isn’t exactly Hartlepool (or the like) but it is a useful method of staying grounded and in touch with what your average normob is doing.

It’s a shocker when you take in the reality of day to day living in suburbia, particularly in a town such as Basildon. Whilst the town’s heart beats to an entrepreneurial theme, when the sun goes down and the lights come on for the Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings, the creeps come out. Most of them bearing top-of-the-line subsidised mobile beauties (N95s, Sonys, LGs) and, if the rumours are anywhere near accurate, bucketloads of antisocial behaviour orders (“ASBOs”).

I hope to bring you live footage of this in the coming weeks.

I’m an old hand at Essex. I moved to the county when I was 9 and left asap at 18. I’ve been back now and again for stints and it’s quite bemusing to be back once again for business purposes.

The finest reminder of the town’s heritage, for me, was when I got into one of the taxis at the station.

I was surprised to find the entire back seat of the taxi covered in a wipe-clean plastic black sheet — it made locating the seatbelt socket a bit of a challenge. I noted the wipe-clean plastic floor mats and asked the driver for an explanation.

“For the vomit, innit?” He responded, helpfully, through his chewing gum.

Ah.

“Ahhh!” I responded, recognition dawning before the driver enhanced his initial explanation.

“It’s 75 quid every time someone vomits. You just need to hose it off and it’s sorted.”

Joy. It’s such a regular occurrence, your patrons chucking up in the back, that the drivers in Basildon have formulated this brilliant workaround. Entrepreneurial indeed.

To set the record straight for all those who’ve been talking to me on IM or email recently and who thoroughly disbelieved me about the seat coverings, I present you this QIK as proof:

(You can get me on IM via: ewanmacleod@gmail.com or ewanmacleod@hotmail.com. Please do add me and say hi.)