Welcome to LA, home of the crap handset

It’s 4pm London time — and that means it’s breakfast time in Los Angeles.

At whilst I’m excited to be here in the centre of the West Coast, I am REALLY having a problem with the people here: Whilst everyone is perfectly nice — and very welcoming — the vast majority of people at breakfast were sporting horrific mobile handsets.

I mean seriously horrific.

1990s.

Think small rounded Motorola handset with a black and white (“greenyshit”) screen. The kind of handset that was TOTALLY COOL when everyone else was sporting tin cans and string or brick-sized handsets.

It’s SO depressing.

Why? Well, if the folk having breakfast here at the Westin Bonaventure are any sort of rough US sample, you can forget your Trutaps, your ROKTalks and your ShopQwiks. Bury them. The handsets at breakfast can do TWO things well:

1. Store 100 phone numbers and make telephone calls
2. Send and receive text messages

Geez.

I did manage to spot two Treos and the standard ratio of Blackberries.

I took a look on the Sprint and AT&T Wireless websites a few moments ago to see what sorts of handsets they’re dribbling out to their subscribers. It makes sobering reading, it really does. Limited Sony Ericssons, ‘fully featured’ Motorolas that do nothing other than text/call.

HUGELY depressing. Of course, the market here is entirely different from the United Kingdom (where handsets are massively subsidised on 12 month contracts). I know that. I’ve known that. But seeing the reality in ‘living colour’ is quite something. No wonder the country was going nuts over the iPhone when you see the rubbish they’re being hawked by their incumbent operators.

I’m going to go find a ‘cell phone’ store and look closer at the handsets on offer.

AND EVERYONE WEARS THEIR HANDSETS ON THEIR WAISTS LIKE GUNSLINGERS. Save me.

Just in case you were wondering — the lift to my room (“elevator”) was the one that Arnold got in with a horse during the movie, True Lies. Remember that scene?