Who's the arse using his phone for directions? Me!

I was on Chiswick High Street today trying to find a cash point that worked.

Eventually I found the Natwest and managed to obtain some cash and as I departed the bank, a chap stopped me on the street. He was wearing a Tesco supermarket jacket.

“Excuse me, mate,” he said. I turned round.

“Do you know where Cromwell Street is?” he asked, brandishing an envelope with a series of directions scribbled on the back.

“Errrrr,” I said. That’s the standard first-response from most people in the UK. I didn’t want to disappoint.

I thought hard.

Cromwell Street.

No.

“No, sorry…” I said. The chap made to turn. “But wait!” I exclaimed, “Let me just check for you.”

I whipped out my Blackberry.

“Google Maps,” I said, nodding at the chap.

He looked vaguely impressed.

My Bold fired up Google Maps and I looked on with delighted expectation as the handset found my location and began to swiftly display Chiswick High Road on the map, complete with a flashing blue dot.

Brilliance.

“So, Cromwell Road is it?” I say to the chap.

He nods.

I hit search and I type in Cromwell Road…

“Just a moment,” I say, watching the data-cursor thing at the top right of the Blackberry shoot back and forward, indicating something was happening.

I smiled as I saw one of the Google Map squares appear on screen.

“Just a momennnnnnnnnnttttttt,” I say, stretching the words as long as is possible, whilst I wait for the sodding 3G data connection to perform.

The chap and I stand there.

People go about their business.

I start to think, “This is bollocks.”

20 seconds went by.

“It’s… er….” I say, feeling like a total cock.

Goodness knows what this guy is thinking. All he wanted was a simple binary answer. If my answer was ‘yes’, then he’d also have hoped to get some kind of directions. He’d have been content with a ‘no’. Because he could have asked somebody else.

Unfortunately he selected me.

45 seconds later, after quietly swearing profusely at my Blackberry and my BOLLOCKS Vodafone connection, I apologised to the chap and said, “I think it might be up that way.”

He thanked me — I’m not sure what for — and walked off.

Gahhhh. How annoying!