Why I need Vodafone's new femtocell Access Gateway

I arrived back into the country on Sunday afternoon and promptly drove straight to Billericay, Essex.

I used to live there (for work purposes) as it was the best place to live to be near one of my major clients.

Now I’m resident in Chiswick, W4, London. But not formally. Not yet. I don’t have internet you see. And I can’t function properly without decent internet.

British Telecom have taken a whopping 2 weeks to find, identify and switch on the landline in my new property, despite the house having had a line from BT for, I’m sure, upwards of 50 years.

The line was activated today. Be Unlimited has been ordered.

Meanwhile I’m at my parents’ place in Billericay.

And there’s next to no Vodafone signal. It’s crazy, absolutely crazy. Clearly, the nearest mast is out of action and the whole family (all of them on Vodafone, except mum on her o2 iPhone) are going nuts.

Text messages are arriving at weird and wonderful times, delayed by hours, because although your phone says ‘Vodafone’ and has one bar of service it’s only joking. It’s not actually connected. Voicemails are piling up and I’m feeling like a total chump because I pride myself on having the best mobile connection. Vodafone and Nokia is, I think, the best possible telephone audio you can buy.

It’s the same thing that happened precisely three years ago. In June. On almost the exact date. Here’s the post I wrote on the subject: Vodafone deactivates service in CM12 0– postcode

What my parents — and everyone else in the CM12 0 postcode section — is a new shiny Vodafone Access Gateway.

That’s right! It’s a wicked new Femtocell that plugs in to your existing broadband service (doesn’t need to be a Vodafone broadband connection) and gives brilliant, brilliant 3G service across your house.

Up to four people can use it at once and, provided you’re not living in the sticks, this should mean that when you’re at home, you’ll always get a decent connection, irrespective of the Vodafone reception in your area.

The Access Gateway is launched formally on the 1st of July (and you can order here).

If you’re paying over £60 a month, you can have the Gateway for free. Let’s face it, why wouldn’t you? You might as well. And it’s another gizmo you can stick into your router and feel good about. (Forget the fact you’re helping augment Vodafone’s network capacity and saving them having to keep installing more million-quid cell masts).

If you’re not paying £60+ a month, you can get the Gateway subsidised for £5/month on a 24-month contract. Or double that for a 12-month contract. Or buy it outright for £160.

Are you going to be investing in one? I’m pretty sure my parents will, if my father hasn’t already swapped to o2 in the meantime out of annoyance.