Won't somebody please get me a 3.5G icon for my E90?

If you’re blessed, if you’re a cool kid, you’ve got a Nokia (a decent one) that, when it connects to a data connection, displays a 3G icon.

If you’re ultra cool — Uber-Paris-Hilton-Hot, you’ve got something better. That’s a 3.5G icon, indicating that your handset is connecting at double-hard-bastard speed.

Or HSHSHDPSPSPAPA speed. You know, fast.

Well, I thought when I bought my Nokia E90, that I’d be joining the ranks of the Hiltonesque 3.5Gers. Surely the E90 is HSPDPAPASPAPAPA.

Surely.

Or is it.

I couldn’t be arsed to find out. I just bought it. It was a real-time decision when I was in the Vodafone shop. I considered the N95 8GB… then I remembered that the E90 retails in the Nokia store for 625 smackers. If I’m going to take advantage of a handset subsidy, the E90 will do me nicely.

Challenge. I get it out the shop and there’s no 3.5G icon.

No bother. I carry on my business. Everything is fine.

Until, that is, I get hold of my father’s E90. He bought an unlocked version of the handset and I was exceedingly annoyed to find out that I am the recipient of a substandard E90 version — for his handset has a 3.5G icon and we’re both on Vodafone.

It’s rather disconcerting to find out that, in one fell swoop, you’re not even on the same planet of cool as your father.

Hobbled. I felt hobbled. My E90 is the Kerry Katona of Paris Hilton devices.

Never fear.

I consulted the oracle. I knocked up a Google Talk conversation with Stefan from Intomobile. Knows a thing or two about Nokia.

What gives, I ask. Where is my 3.5G icon, eh?

Stefan does the virtual equivalent of a plumber’s deep toothy inhalation of breath when I explain that I’m using a Vodafone E90 and my dad’s using an unlocked E90.

That there is my issue.

Been hobbled by Vodafone. I’ve been sold a dud!

My firmware on my E90 is obviously years old. I need to upgrade it. I wonder if I’ll be allowed to. When I do that, it will arse my device and all the sodding settings. You can back’em up but it’s far from reliable. Nokia have been working on a fix for all this. The N82 is the first handset on planet Nokia that will let you upgrade it’s firmware without rendering your data Class-F. Not useful for me and my ageing E90 though, eh?

Arse.